Train Sex

God I love titles like that. Train Sex. I mean...I've got you. I would have to tell the crappiest story ever for you to bail on this story. Come to think of it, I would change the name of this blog to Train Sex in a heartbeat if I thought I had the material to live up to such a blog name. I don't think that's going to happen though.

So, right now it's 7:30am est. I woke up at 5:30 this morning so I could come in and get ahead of my workload. I should be working now but if I don't process these thoughts, they'll just be dancing in my head for the rest of the day.

First, let me say that my heart goes out to my NYC readers whose lives just got a little more chaotic as a result of the MTA strike. I would also like to praise the Metro North union for not jumping on the strike as well. You are wonderful people and I hope you keep those trains running.

So like I said, I woke up early. I got myself cleaned up, made sure my iPod was updated and caught the train. Fortunately, someone was nice enough to post the first season of Scrubs on podtropolis.com so that is what I've been watching on the train for the last day or two. Scrubs, by the way is one of those shows that when you finally sit down and watch it, you wonder why you haven't been watching the show all along. It's very good and based on the five episodes I've watched, I highly recomend you Tivo Scrubs right now.

So I'm watching and I'm enjoying and out of the corner of my eye, I see some abandoned brick buildings out the window and I know I'm almost to South Norwalk. I grab my bag and I get up. Now some people will tell you that it's impossible to walk and watch your video at the same time but I've gotten a pretty good handle on it so I let Scrubs (the really great show I mentioned in the last paragraph) continue to play.

As I get up, I see that there is a young couple probably in their early twenties sitting across the aisle from me. Their sitting side by side but they appear to be in a cuddly sort of way. Upon reflection, I would guess that her legs were draped across his lap. Now, I've got stuff going on in my head. Do I have my bag? Is it zipped up? I don't have to rush to get to the train door, do I? No. There's time. Plus, I'm listening to Scrubs and subconciously balancing myself on a moving train as I walk to the train door.

As I approach the train door, I realize that something wasn't quite right. I call upon my memory and pick apart what I just saw. That's when I realize that one of the girl's legs was exposed and that just past her knee going towards the foot were a pair of bright purplish pink underwear. At that point, I was at the train door, so I stopped, turned around and saw the young couple smiling back at me. I still had the headphones on so I'm not sure but I think the young woman said Hi to me. Wow! They'd been having sex? That's Awesome. I mean that's really friggin cool. Before I could give it much thought, the train stopped and the door opened.

Now this is where the story sucks. As I'm getting off the train with so many thoughts to ponder, a black man of slightly larger build gets off the train with me and he won't fucking shut up. He starts off the conversation by letting me know that the couple had been having sex since around maybe New Rochelle. I never got a lock on this guy because quite frankly, I didn't want to, but here's what I think I learned from him.

For starters, he will talk to anyone who is walking next to him no matter how long the duration of the walk. He has two daughters. He may go to church regularly although I'm guessing he goes sporadicaly and just remembers enough information to annoy people. A girl who is having sex on the train is degrading herself. As for the guy having sex on a train...he didn't mention an opinion on that. A girl can be all giggly and degrade herself by having sex on a train but then in a couple of years she will have kids and feel sorry. Women act all powerful but the truth is they are vulnerable and the way for us guys to be real men is to not degrade them preferably by not having sex with them on a train. If I'm not mistaken, he sited the Adam & Eve story as evidence as to why man has to look after woman. I'm sure there was more he said as we walked together for five minutes, but a lot of his ramblings were blocked out by my thoughts of trying to figure out how to tell him to shut up. I wonder if this guy really thought I gave a damn about what he was saying. I mean, I just realized two people were having sex right next to me and he thinks I want to talk to him. Good lord. Well, he's gone now and thank god for that.

Back to the sex on the train thing. I mean, wow. Practically, right next to me, there were two people having sex. For all the time I devote thinking about sex, here it is going on right next to me and I was oblivious. And these were some good looking people too. This young lady was very attractive. As for the guy, I don't know what an attractive man looks like but I can tell you he wasn't ugly... and really, who cares.

But after I got rid of jabbermouth, I had a chance to wonder about things and here were the thoughts I came up with. I'm glad I didn't know. If I did know, I would have had to figure out whether or not I wanted to watch. Alright, actually no. Hell yeah, I would have wanted to watch. It just would have been tricky to figure out how to watch them without the train sex couple watching me watching them, let alone other spectators watching me watching the couple. See, this whole thing is new to me and I don't know the proper etiquette for voyeurism when it comes to exhibitionists.

Here's another thought. I realized sex on a train is something that would probably never happen to me and at first I felt a little sad. Then I changed my mind when I realized that I probably don't want to have sex on a train. I'd be too self concious wondering if my partner and I were putting on a good show instead of enjoying the moment.

And here's something else. My train got into SoNo at 7am. Who the hell gets up that early in the freezing cold to have sex on a train heading towards New Haven? I mean, I hope they weren't going to work. The woman I work with takes a train from Harlem to come here everyday and she went on a couple of dates with a guy she met on the commute. When it didn't work out, it was a bit awkward for her seeing him on the train everyday to and from work and that was just from a couple of dates. If this train sex couple doesn't work out, imagine the baggage they will carry with them every time they go to work. My guess is that they were just riding the train to have the sex. I don't care how good their sex was, I've just never seen anyone that happy going to work.

In conclusion, my point is this. If you ever see me seeing someone having sex on a train... don't talk to me. I'm just not in a conversation kind of way. Wait. Strike that. If you are a hot chick who sees me seeing a couple having sex on a train and you'd like to talk about it. Well sure, why the hell not? That's the exception to the rule. (Just to be clear though, we're just talking. I LOVE YOU KRISTINE!!!)

Must work. Talk 2 u soon. Happy Holidays.
Dave