A lovely venison dinner with some questionable music

So last night, I went with my lovely girlfriend down to Long Island to visit with her family and go out to a full fledged venison dinner. Having never had venison, I was enthusiastic to give it a try. The food was delicious. The alcohol was refreshing and we danced the night away.

More on the music in a sec. I would just like to throw this thought out there for any of you who, in the future, might be throwing a buffet dinner that I’m invited to. If you’re going to include potato pancakes as part of your buffet selection, please let me know ahead of time or put those babies right up at the front of the line. By the time I got to the pancakes, I had to do some plate maneuvering which included holding two dinner rolls in one hand, just so I could fit one piping hot potato pancake topped with some refreshingly cool applesauce onto my plate. It was FANTASTIC. By the time I got back up to the buffet table for seconds, the pancakes had simmered to a medium heat and the applesauce supply had diminished substantially. Still, I’ll always have the memories of that first sweet potato pancake. How I will miss thee.

Now, let’s talk about the music presentation for the evening. I should start by disclosing my disdain for the keyboard-playing musician. This is the kind of person who I almost always hate. I should clarify that when I say keyboard, I’m not referring to a piano. A piano is an amazing instrument that, when paired with a talented musician, can produce wonderful music. No. When I say keyboard, I’m referring to an electronic piano-like instrument that when played, produces sounds similar to other instruments. When it comes to rock music, the keyboard is very hard for me to stomach.

There are a few exceptions to this rule. Rick Wakemen has done some wonderful things with the keyboard for the group Yes. Prodigy has done some interesting things with the keyboard and Linkin Park kicks ass. Nine Inch Nails also gets a pass as they have done fantastic things with the keyboard although, I must say I did have some trouble getting into their last double album. I should also mention that my friends Tito and Mark are both musicians who play the keyboard, and well, they’re alright by me. As for the rest of you keyboard-playing musician bastards…well, the hell with you.

My biggest gripe with the keyboard-playing musician comes from one of my favorite bands ever, Guns N Roses. As far as I’m concerned, Dizzy Reed is such a worthless wasted of space when it comes to GNR. I mean, what the hell happened there? I defy you to find anyone, other than a keyboard-playing musician type, whose just finished listening to the entire cd of Appetite For Destruction whose ever said, “That’s a great album. It’s a classic. But ya know what was missing? They really could’ve used some keyboards.” Get the HELL out of here! You’re the kind of person whose familiar with EMF songs that aren’t Unbelievable and you have know business listening to Rock N Roll. Put the GNR back in your Eddie Bauer cd holder. Kick back in your lazy chair with a latte and enjoy that latest collection of Depeche Mode tunes. I’m sure you’ll find them sonically pleasing.

Now the reason this ideology of mine has come to a head is because the musicianship I witnessed last night was ridiculous. For entertainment, the hunting club throwing the venison dinner hired a dj/keyboard playing singer. Fortunately for us, this forty something sad individual had missed out on every opportunity he may have had in the music industry and thus was a welcome addition to our affair.

So the entertainer would play a song or two, something out of the genre of the likes of Frank Sinatra. Then he would let this 5 cd changer carry the bulk of the load for a few tunes. Now, I never realized this before, but apparently, when musical type people like The Beatles, Stevie Wonder, and the musical geniuses behind The Electric Slide were in the recording studio working their magic, all of these artists neglected inserting key components into their music that could only be represented by a keyboard-playing musician type. So THANK GOD we just happened to have such an individual on hand to save the day. Using his talents, our one man wedding band was able to fill in the gaps left by such short sighted musicians as John, Paul, George, and Ringo. When I think about a music industry that’s given us such losing enterprises as William Hung, Milli Vanilli, and those guys who sang The Macarena, I thank God that same industry collectively overlooked any talent our keyboard-playing musician type so that he could be there for us at a reasonable price to periodically attract us to the dance floor.

Alright. I'd love to write more but I'm insanely high on the large cup of Starbucks coffee I had while writing this entry earlier this evening. I'm going to say goodnight and go back to watching the Gilmore Girls on the DVR. Nighty Night.